49 Ways To Say No To Anyone (When You Dont Want To Be A Jerk)

49 Ways To Say No To Anyone (When You Dont Want To Be A Jerk) 49 Ways To Say No To Anyone (When You Dont Want To Be A Jerk)Posted July 28, 2016, by Zahra Campbell-AvenellIn life, you have to say no a whole lotta times.Do you want fries with that?Come to my granddads future wifes bachelorette party in the Gold CoastGet a free stress test* (sponsored by the Church of Scientology)Want to subscribe to the Career FAQs newsletter? (Actually, you really should say yes to that one its awesome.)I know its elend easy. In fact, sometimes it can be so tough to say no that you end up giving in and just saying yes. Its human nature - we want to be agreeable, we want to be liked, and we want to be kind.So how do you say no, no, no all the time without being (or feeling like) a jerk? Heres the short version just dont be a jerk. You have every right to say no without feeling guilty, and as long as you dont do it in a nasty way, youre elend a jerk. Plain and simple. Heres a great tipStop saying yes w hen you want to say no.And if youre not saying no to most things, lemme tell ya youre not doing yourself any favours. In a world wherbeibeie everything is finite, you should be prioritising like crazy. Saying yes to everything is the fastest way to burn out. But Im not here to tell you why you need to say no (thats for another article) Ill assume youre here because you want to know how to say it. And thats a whole other story. The good news is that there are many ways to say no (definitiv on the street is that there are at least 49). So without further ado, lets get into it1. Use the word.Not, Not at this time, not I dont think so, not Im not sure, not Maybe next time. The word NO is a powerful thing. Use it if you are absolutely, unequivocally sure that there is no other answer. And dont apologise for saying it. If need be, practise saying the word until it loses its power over you.2. Or a firm (but polite) alternative.I appreciate your time, but no thank you.Thanks for thinking o f me, but I have too much on my plate right now.No thanksNot today, thanks.Not for me, thanks.Im afraid I cant.Im not really into heavy metal/decoupage/Pokemon Go, but thanks for askingId rather not, thanks.I think Ill pass.3. Dont Costanza it.This goes for family, friends, or even your boss. You dont have to have an elaborately fabricated ruse just say you dont want to. If you dont want to go to an event because youve had a rough week and youd rather sit in bed watching Netflix then say so. Dont invent an ailing grandmother because you think it makes your excuse more palatable.4. Dont go on and on.In some cases, its best not to elaborate. If you justify your no too much, it can seem like youre lying or worse still, it can allow the asker to find a workaround to try and make you say yes.5. Dont be afraid to say it twice.Sometimes people dont respect boundaries, or are used to people caving if they ask again. Just because someone is persistent, doesnt mean you have to give in. Smi le politely, and say no a second time, just more firmly than the first.6. If need be, use because.Research has shown that using the word because makes people agree with you (even if the reason you give them is absolute rubbish). So instead of just saying, Unfortunately I wont be able to help you plan our team building event, try adding a reason (however trivial) to help your refusal go down more easily.7. Just smile and shake your head.You can do this as you walk away, too. This works especially well for people giving out flyers or trying to guilt you into signing up for something.8. Be assertive.It helps to imagine that you are the person in control of the situation (mind over matter its a powerful thang.) Make eye contact and speak clearly. Dont mumble your no, mmmkay? This is extremely helpful if you feel that you are being taken advantage of.9. Dont take freebies.Were hardwired to want to reciprocate when someone gives us something. So if you take that cheese sample at the supe rmarket and the nice lady starts convincing you to buy it, youre far more likely to say yes than if you hadnt accepted the sample in the first place.10. If all your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you?Its easy to fall into the trap of saying yes because other people are saying yes. Dont do it.11. Remind yourself of the opportunity cost.What will you lose by giving in? Time? Money? Health? Nothing comes for free.12. Read up on the tricks used by con artists.It makes you realise how easily even the smartest among us can get fooled into saying yes. Dont be conned.13. Trust your gut.Your intuition will seldom lead you astray. If it doesnt feel right, listen to your instincts and say no.14. Provide an alternative.This can be particularly useful in a work setting, when you dont want to be seen as the person who says no all the time. If youre too busy to take on a task that you might want to do in the future, you can say something along the lines of, I wont be able to help you wit h the Field account this time around, but Im happy to take a look next month when my schedule is less hectic.15. Pass that buck.If you want to say no to something that you know someone else might want to say yes to, feel free to pass on that information. Im afraid that I wont have time to contribute to the bake sale this year, but I know Amanda loves baking - perhaps you could ask her? is a good example. Resist the temptation to use this as an excuse to throw people you dont like under the bus, or you will (rightly) be perceived as a jerk.16. Negotiate.If youre willing to meet halfway, this is the time to negotiate. Itll allow you to accommodate the request without saying an outright no. This can include reducing the size of the task, asking for a longer deadline or sharing the load with another person.17. Dont delay.Theres no point in making someone wait for an answer if you know that your answer will be no. Procrastination is a terrible thing dont say Ill think about it if you wo nt.18. Go ahead and change your mind.Just because you said yes once doesnt mean that youre stuck saying yes until the end of time.19. Say it often.The more you practice, the less terrifying it will become. Start saying no to anything that doesnt add value to your life.20. What a shame.While saying Sorry, I cant will certainly soften your message and make it more polite, it will also dilute it. Heres another way to say the saatkorn thing Its a shame Id love to help but Im already committed to X thing. Best of luck21. The disease to please.Often well say yes to things that really arent a priority because you dont want people to think youre a jerk. Guess what? Some people will think youre a jerk anyway, no matter how nice you really are. So stop worrying about what people think, and just say no already.22. Crystal ball it.When you get good at saying no, you can probably start pre-emptively saying no to asks before they come. Think that your aunt is going to invite you to her Tupperwar e party? Tell her that youre broke.23. Avoid serial askers.If you know someone who is always asking for favours, without doing much for you in return, try to avoid them, particularly at times when you know they will be in an asking mood.24. A white lie never hurt anyone.Normally Im a huge advocate of the truth, but in some cases, you might need to get a little creative with your no. For example, if you know that your grandmother is going to try and push her Anzac biscuits on you when you visit, feel free to tell her that the doctor has told you to avoid sugar for a while if you dont want to hurt her feelings. If your grandmothers a tough cookie (pardon the pun) feel free to use 2.25. Not now.You should only exercise this one if you know for sure that youll actually consider something later (otherwise, see 17). Lets say that youd love to help walk your neighbours dog once a week, but not the week before youre leaving for a 2-month trip to Guatemala. Simple ask your neighbour to chec k with you again when youre back. And when youre at work, unless its urgent, dont drop everything to attend to the newest task on your list just say, Sure thing, Ill get onto that as soon as Im finished with this project.High five, youre halfway there Here are 24 more ways to say no26. Its not you, its me.Feel free to use this classic rejection line if you feel that the product/idea/person/occasion is right for someone, but that someone isnt you. Its perfectly acceptable to say that something isnt the right fit for you.27. Its not me, its you.Turn the above axiom on its head, and dont be afraid to tell people when its a hard no, aka Maybewhen pigs fly. So if youre a vegetarian, dont let your great-aunt make you try just a little bite of her beef casserole tell her, No thanks, Aunt Maggie you know Im a vegetarian so I will never try it. Feel free to draw a line in the sand where you need to. Another example is, As a rule, I dont donate money to political parties. If you stick to y our guns, people will learn to respect your boundaries.28. Empathise.Sometimes validation is all the other person needs. Saying something like, I know that sucks but I cant, Im sorry.29. You dont always have to be nice.Need permission to say no just because you dont want to? Permission granted.30. Air your discomfort.If a friend asks to borrow money, feel free to say something like Im not comfortable with lending money to people, sorry.31. I wish I could.In some cases, you might have to be a little softer in your approach. Imagine the nicest parking inspector in the world. Even though you tell her that youre only a few minutes late, whats she gonna say? Probably something along the lines of I wish I could, but Ive already written the flugticket. Adopt a similar approach. Heres another example I wish I could help with your project, but Im swamped this week.32. Thanks but no thanks.Sometimes this is literally all youll have to say. Or you can add 31 to the mix if you want to soften t he blow. This is what to say if you want to say that youre grateful to be asked, but x isnt your thing.33. Use body language.Shaking your head, raising your eyebrows even rolling your eyes can work in the right setting. Regardless, use powerful body language to show that you mean business, even as you decline something graciously.34. Buy some time.I would leave this as a very last resort, because you do run the risk of being barraged later. Youre only postponing the inevitable, but if it helps, you can say Let me think about it or Ill check my calendarlet me get back to you.35. Im flattered, but no thank you.Sometimes you might need to acknowledge that its a big deal that a person asked you to do something. This could be useful if someone asks you to model for them, or offers you a promotion that you dont want.36. I really shouldntSave this for the times when you want to say yes, but really think you should say no (possibly to be polite). So when your colleague (whose boyfriend hap pens to be a pastry chef) offers you some of her birthday cake, use this. Its like magicsay it and the other person is likely to say, Oh, go on Just have it37. Hell no.This needs to be used sparingly, and probably only with friends. So if you sleep with a Hello Kitty night light on, and a friend-of-a-friend is invites you to a screening of The Horror III, saying Oh heeeeeell no Ill never sleep again is a safe bet.38. I said no.This works for children and pesky, charming salespeople. Again, the key is to be friendly but firm.39. Its not the best.This is a gentle way of saying no, and can be really useful when someone asks you something akin to Does this shade of neon orange suit me? Instead of being a jerk and using a blunt 37, try saying Its not the best colour on you lets look at this navy blazer instead40. Ummm, no (possibly accompanied with a laugh).So this is the only one that can (kind of) make you sound like a jerk, so use it wisely. I would save this for moments when someone asks you to work for free, or insults you in some other way.41. I know this isnt the answer you were hoping for.Acknowledging another persons feelings is important, but certainly makes this a no on the softer end of the spectrum. So if someone is expecting you to do something but you arent going to do it, say no, followed by the above gem.42. brde time was great.Sometimes youre gonna have to say no when youve said yes before and this can be tricky. The best way to get around this (even if you need to harness the power of 24) is to affirm that while you might have enjoyed it the last time, you may not this time around. While I loved the opportunity to present to the CEO, you know that public speaking isnt really my forte, so I wont do it this quarter.43. Let me know if you want me to reshuffle priorities.If your boss hands you yet another project that you dont have time for, and wont take no for an answer, ask what you can let go of. That sounds really interesting, and Id be happy to do it but that means I wont be able to submit the report by Friday. So let me know what you want me to prioritise.44. Im good/Im happy/Im all set.This is good for cold callers Thanks but Im good with my current mobile plan. Please remove me from your call list. Cheers is good enough.45. How lovely of you.If your well-meaning sister-in-law wants to throw you a 30th birthday party, but youd rather just have a casual lunch with your friends and family, appreciate the gesture while refusing it. Janet, thats so lovely of you But Ive already planned to have a beach day and a picnic Ill be sending out invites next week.46. Reduce your availability.Depending on what you do for a living (e.g. if youre a doctor/plumber/lawyer/mechanic/accountant), any of these can be useful dont put your mobile phone number on your business card. Dont give out your number to anyone except close friends and family. Encourage people to text you rather than leaving you voicemail messages. Reduce the number of facebook inc friends you have.47. Unfortunately.This is good for a business setting. Had a request to recommend an intern who you think should still work at Bakers Delight instead of a law firm? Ive got your back Hey Ellen, thanks for thinking of me Unfortunately I dont think Im the best person to write your recommendation because I havent spent enough time seeing you write briefs, which seems like an integral part of this role. Good luck in your job search48. Its not possible.Possible and impossible are magical words. If you say, Thats just not possible with conviction, you probably wont need to say anything else.49. Its an honour.If someone asks you to do something major Im talking about something akin to becoming their childs godparent or saying a few words at their wedding just saying no will make you sound like an absolute jerk, so you have to tread lightly. Heres a good exit strategy Charlotte, thats such an honour, and I feel privileged to have been asked. However, beca use insert non-negotiable reason here, e.g. Im so terrified of public speaking Ive been known to faint, I wouldnt be able to give this important task/role the time and effort it deserves, and I dont want to let you down. Would you consider asking Fatima instead?Like this article? 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When shes not creating content about careers, learning and personal development, you can find her researching her next travel adventure, bingeing on Netflix or shopping online.Related ArticlesBrowse moreJob hunting tipsReference LetterHow to Write a Character ReferenceWhats the difference between a professional reference letter and a character reference? Get the low down on writing a character reference including a free sample response.CAREER ADVICEResignation tipsIs Your Job Making You Miserable? 10 Signs Its Time To GoEvery job has its ups and downs, but if the thought of dragging yourself into work day in day out has you feeling all sorts of misery then it might be time to call it quits.BusinessEntrepreneurshipHow To Write A Business PlanA great business plan could be the key to turning your entrepreneurial dreams into real business success. Heres how to write a plan to help you s ecure funding, get clear on your vision, guide your business journey and evaluate opportunities